Breaking through the illusion:
If you are able to experience a single moment of discontinuity in this continuous flow of thoughts, continuous connectivity to the past, you will experience a transcendental reality which will give you a glimpse of who you really are. As of now, you have trapped yourself inside the perception of who you are, which is bound to your past and future. While you are sitting in meditation you are still believing in the illusion that you are making something happen. You are sitting in the illusion that you are moving towards enlightenment. You, sitting in the illusion of you that is connecting all these things, is an illusion. That is what you’re trying to go beyond.
If the you that understands time, that understands progress, that understands science, that understands things, is the very thing that you’re trying to go beyond, then how can meditation feel like anything other than an experience that’s happening for the first time? That is why the best experience that you can have in meditation is the feeling that you have not progressed, the feeling that you’re not going anywhere. That frustration is good.
That frustration is the fuel for your meditation because you are trying to make a fundamental shift in the direction of your perception. It can happen at any moment, and you’ve been waiting for the moment for days, for months, or even years. It just doesn’t matter. When it happens, it happens to you as if it has happened to you for the first time. I’m not talking about enlightenment or awakening. I’m talking about the deepening of meditation; even a momentary bliss; a momentary glimpse of ecstasy. This is what you’re searching for.
You think that because you are meditating regularly you are progressing and eventually, you will experience it. In reality, ideas like: I’m progressing in meditation, I am sitting in meditation, are illusions. It’s all part of the mind. The “I” is an illusion, “am” is an illusion, “sitting” is an illusion, “meditation” is an illusion, your mind is an illusion, everything is an illusion. As long as you’re stuck in that illusion, you will only be stuck with an idea of you. Remember, this is the continuity that you have nourished, that you have cared for and have lived with.